"Then come my black days, MAD and loud. I howl. I growl at every cloud."

After a confusing end to 2017 and what can only be described as one of the worst starts to a year I've encountered, I'm trying so hard to not let recent events get the better of me. Writing was always an escape for me but in the last 6 months it has seemed like such a chore and if I'm honest I'm really having to force myself to write this as just seems like too much effort. I'm really hoping though that it somehow flicks a switch on how I am currently feeling, allowing me to get back to where I was last year, as I have so many happy things to write about. As a blogger (especially a family blogger), how you appear on the surface is so important, I never wanted to be one of those writers that is all doom and gloom. It can be really difficult at times though to write about the happy things in your life when inside that couldn't be further from how you actually feel. 

The blog has always been a happy place for me but amongst the back catalogue of unpublished posts that have been written, there is an insight into how I've actually been feeling deep down over the last few years. 

Do you ever feel like for some reason your emotions are completely out of whack?

Well that's pretty much how I am feeling at the moment and if it wasn't for the boys and close friends I honestly don't know how I'd got through to the other side with only this uneasy feeling to show for it all. One thing I have learnt from all this though, is that it's ok to not be Mr Sunshine all the time (although Ive always prided myself on being that happy guy that people generally like). We all have our 'off times' in life and I'm hoping I'm coming to the end of one of mine.