"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone"

 I haven't written one of my waiting in the car posts for a while and now I find myself parked outside the supermarket with that little cutie asleep in the back. Recently I have found that time on my own as brief as it is has been a bit grim, my mind wanders to thoughts of people that have let me down in the past. I do everything in my power to make sure that the boys are happy, the main reason being... well I'm a dad what dad doesn't want to see a big smile on his children's faces! But a small fraction of it is to make up for my own relatives who have turned out to be a huge disappointment. I tend to hear "you can't chose your family' quite a lot, but can you imagine if you had that option, being in a position where you wouldn't actually choose a single one of your apparent family members? 

I've come to realise over the last 2 years that in regards to my relations I am all alone. I like to think that despite this I embrace my situation. It means all that love and attention that I was spreading about isn't wasted, I can concentrate on the important people, the people that appreciate me and want to be a part of my family. I'm thankful for them and they are the reason I smile 99% of the time. I honestly don't know how i'd cope without the boys and that beautiful lady of mine. Coming to terms with the reality of things was hard, no one wants to admit that their family members have no consideration for them, but I know my life is better without them and is moving forward and blossoming the way it should.

So why is it that on these rare occasions that I am alone my mind wanders. I'm not angry, I'm not really upset I just feel low? I guess that over the years i have expected far to much of these people and was innevitably setting myself up for a fall. how hard is it for people to just be nice? I didn't really want to write anything negative on the blog and i certainly didn't want this to come across as a rant but as its for the boys to read when their older I think it's important for them to know how I have been moulded into the father that I am. I take having a family very seriously and I would give them boys everything I had. I will never give them reason to be disappointed in me.